Fear of the system

Come on now, this is getting ridiculous. I have always known that nausea was part of the pregnancy package, but when you’ve suffered from it more or less constantly for the best part of a week, it starts to grind you down. Like this past weekend – it was 35 degrees out, the entire world was at the beach / in the mountains / at the lake, and what was I doing? Lying under the air con unit, holding my stomach, trying not to lose it. For TWO DAYS STRAIGHT. If Luca hadn’t been a complete sport and stuck the whole thing out with me, I don’t know what I would have done! No, honestly, come on now – a person has to be able to go about their daily life, no? I can’t eat, I can’t go anywhere…. Getting to work and staying there is a huge trauma…. Am just hoping that this supposedly short period of sickness does what it says in the text books, and packs its bags around week 12. Earlier than that would be lovely, of course – especially since we’re off to Sardinia in week 10 and I don’t fancy the long drive and ferry ride feel green around the gills! Not to mention being able to go to the beach or out for dinner without having to carry an emergency bag around with me the whole time!! OK, feeling worse just writing this stuff down….. This sucks big time!!! Thursday I have my first appointment with the gynecologist. Am pleased to be seeing her but a little apprehensive as it will really mark the start of a long process whereby I will be poked and prodded and generally man-handled… All stuff that really isn’t me! I’m English – I won’t take kindly to many of the situations that I know the Italian system will subject me to, but I’m trying to be open-minded about it. I know an American girl who was told to strip down to her bra in the waiting room at the hospital – surrounded by other patients and their random friends / family members (males included) – as the doctor was running late and they wanted to speed the process up!!! I know another girl who, having been admitted to hospital, received “spread your legs”-style check-ups from passing doctors with a room full of her room-mate’s visitors and not a hint of a curtain. She actually had to ask the random male visitor at the next bed to stop staring at her while the doctor performed his check!!! These are the sorts of things that literally give me nightmares. I know the medical care here is of a good standard, but I can’t stand the thought of being treated like a piece of meat, of not having my wishes respected (birth plans don’t appear to exist in Italy – you do what the doctor tells you), and most of all being put into situations I can’t control and can’t get out of. What if I have to be admitted to hospital in the 6th month and stay there (like my mum was)?? There are no creature comforts in Italian hospitals – not even a TV in the room, no private rooms (unless you pay 500 euros a night in one of Milan’s top clinics), and the bathrooms are filthy and shared by an entire floor of people. This is what I have heard from many different sources. I know it’s early days yet, but these “little things” are starting to play on my mind. I know the health and well-being of my baby is the most important thing, but I can’t help but worry that being thrown into a chaotic, un-friendly, impersonal system will cause me enough stress that my health – and maybe that of my unborn child – will in some way be affected. I know I just have to buckle up and take the ride as it comes, but my personality really gets in the way sometimes. I’m not easy-going, I need to be in control of situations which affect me, and I have to feel comfortable otherwise I’m capable of flying into a panic. I’ve coped for years with anxiety, verging at times on agoraphobia, but for the most part I’ve managed to keep it within tolerable limits. I’m worried that the experience of pregnancy in a country like Italy is enough to push me over the edge.